11-11-11

When we got married, my mom thought it was so cool that our 5th wedding anniversary would be on 11-11-11. At the time, I thought that the date seemed so far away. Now, I can't believe it's tomorrow! Our wedding was an amazing day, and we were fortunate to be able to celebrate with our family and friends.

The past five years seemed to have flown by. Undoubtedly, we have been through a lot in the past five years, especially this past year. Our anniversary last year was right before we found out about Isaac's condition. I remember being so excited and thinking that on our next anniversary, we will be parents. Needless to say, this is a very bittersweet time for me.

I am so blessed to be married to my best friend. I am looking forward to what the next year has in store for us!

Our Wedding Day - November 11, 2006

We're Still Here!

It's been a while, but we're still here. I hope to continue our blog, and I hope that we still have some readers out there!

We had a busy summer. We were fortunate to have three weeks of traveling together. We were gone for most of the month of July. When we got back home, I went right back to school. I can't believe that we have already been back to school for six weeks!

During our travels, we went to South Dakota for a week to visit my mother-in-law and her husband. They have a beautiful ranch, where we got to relax and do "hokey" touristy stuff. Next, we went to Orlando to visit Universal Studios. Dan wanted to see the new Harry Potter world. Finally, we went on a western Caribbean cruise. We definitely needed the relaxing time together!

Here are some photos from our travels:

At Mount Rushmore

At the ranch in South Dakota

Just before ziplining on our cruise

Waterfall climbing in Jamaica

After the Tie-Dye Gators won the Cozumel Amazing Race

Hopefully we still have some readers out there. We would love to continue to share our journey with you!

Happy Father's Day!

I just wanted to write a quick blog to let you all know that I am still writing. And to say Happy Father's Day to my wonderful husband. We may not have a child on earth, but we are parents to a precious angel in Heaven. Dan took such great care of Isaac while he was with us, and I know he is going to continue to be an amazing father to our other children someday. He always enourages me to see the positive in all things, and he has a very generous spirit. We have so many things to look forward to, and I am so fortunate to be able to share my life with Dan. This picture is my absolute favorite one of Dan.

Being Thankful

Today I have been reminded (more than once) that I need to be more thankful for the things that God has given me.

First, one of my friends posted this on Facebook: "What if I woke up today with only the things I thanked God for yesterday?" This thought made me realize that I have not been diligent in thanking God for everything that He has given me. I have so many things to be thankful for, but often during this time of trial, my prayers and thoughts have focused on the things that I need rather than all of the wonderful things that I do have.

Another reminder that I need to be more thankful came as I was putting away the sympathy cards that were sent to us during the past few weeks. I decided to re-read some of the notes that people wrote. I came across one from a friend of my aunt who lives in Pennsylvania. I have not met this woman before, but she has been praying for us after hearing our story from my aunt. In the card, among other things, she wrote that she thanked God for Isaac's perfectly formed hands and feet. This prayer was so special to me because it was so personal. It also made me realize that I didn't even thank God for his perfect hands and feet. Amidst all of of my pain, I took some things for granted, including ten fingers, ten toes, and a full head of wavy brown hair. Looking back, I am SO thankful for these things, but I never expressed that to God.

With that being said, I am thankful for all of the prayers that have been said on our behalf. This woman, again, who we have never met, prayed to God on our behalf and expressed what we were feeling, but hadn't yet prayed to God. I know others have prayed for us when we didn't have the words or strength to go to God.

I found the following verse to be so powerful in terms of giving thanks.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18

What high ideals to strive for! I like the words always, continually, and in all circumstances. In times of trial, being joyful and giving thanks seem to be so hard, but they are also so important. In the first few days after we found out about Isaac's condition, we were devastated. At that point, I couldn't imagine looking back and being joyful and thankful for this journey. But, along the way, I have experienced positive things from a tragic situation, and I have learned not to take for granted the many blessings in my life. This journey has taught me that it is possible to be joyful and give thanks in the hardest and most painful situations.

I am so thankful for our little boy and his perfect hands and feet.

Tributes to Isaac

The past few weeks have went by so quickly! Today is Dan's first day back at work in more than 4 weeks. We are very fortunate to be able to spend so much time together during the past month.

I am so thankful for the support of our families throughout my pregnancy and afterwards. We could not have done it without all of them!

I wanted to share two special things that my sister, my dad, and Dan did in honor of Isaac. My sister Kelsie graduated from the University of Florida on April 30. We were fortunate to be able to go to Gainesville and see her graduate. Since so many students graduate at the same time, the graduates often decorate their caps to help their families identify them in the crowd. Kelsie chose to decorate her cap with an "I" in honor of her nephew Isaac. It was very special to me because I sometimes think of the things that I won't see Isaac do or accomplish. But, in a way, I was able to see my son graduate that day. We are also proud of your accomplishments, Kelsie!

Kelsie with her "I" cap

My family at Kelsie's graduation

This past weekend, my dad and Dan got a more permanent tribute to Isaac - a tattoo! It is a tattoo of Isaac's handprint and name on their chest. Dan made the handprints in the hospital and the tattoo artist was able to replicate it exactly. Now, I get to see and touch my son's handprint everyday!

And, one more picture of Isaac with our family members that were at the hospital on his birthday.

Making a Difference

I have looked over the blog several times in the past week or so. There's a lot of things that I wanted to write about over the past few months but never did. I will continue to write as we continue this journey of healing. There have been two ideas that have been getting me through these past five months. The first one is that I will get to spend eternity with my son in Heaven. The second is that God put Isaac on this earth to fulfill a purpose. This idea is emphasized in a story that was shared at Isaac's memorial service from John 9: 1-3. "As he (Jesus) went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?' 'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus, 'but this happened so the work of God might be displayed in his life.'"

I hoped and prayed that I would see some evidence of God's work through Isaac during my lifetime and that I would not have to wait until I got to Heaven to see why God gave Isaac to us. However, I never imagined what an impact our little boy would have or that I would see it so soon.

First, Isaac inspired his mommy and daddy to become closer to God. Even before the blog and before we really told anyone about our situation, Dan and I realized that the only way that we were going to survive this situation is by completely trusting in God. So, if nothing else, I am so thankful for the impact Isaac has had on our relationship with God. Isaac has changed our lives in so many other ways too. Now more than ever, we are so thankful for the many blessings that we have. Dan and I have also grown so much closer in our relationship. I love my husband more today than I ever have in our 11 years together.

But more than just us, Isaac has made an impact in so many other lives. His influence was evidenced in all of the people that came to celebrate his life on Saturday. Dan and I were humbled by how many people were there to support us. We could not have asked for a more beautiful tribute to our son. Thank you to all of you that were there. Aside from all of the people at the service, I know Isaac's life has had an influence on all of the people who have read our blog and others who have heard our story from one of our friends and family members. We have received cards from people that we have not met, just because someone has told our story at church or at work. We are so thankful that so many people have allowed Isaac's story to touch their hearts.

Isaac has also touched the lives of other children through charity. I know the staff at my school has been collecting diapers and other baby supplies to donate to local families. Thank you so much for allowing Isaac to make such a difference in our community. We also set up a Memorial Fund through Operation Smile that many of our family members and friends have generously donated to. Operation Smile provides surgeries for children with facial deformities, such as cleft palates. Right now, the donations will provide surgeries for 6 children in Isaac's memory. Thank you to those of you who have made donations so far. If you are interested, you may donate in Isaac's name through this Memorial Page: http://support.operationsmile.org/goto/IsaacMarkovich

I am so thankful that the work of God has been displayed because of the life of our son. I know his impact will continue far beyond his short life.

I have had some requests for more pictures of Isaac. Thank you all again for your continued support and prayers.

Our first moments together

Isaac's Birth Story

As I mentioned in my last post, Isaac's birth story is one that could only be orchestrated by God. We are very fortunate that things happened just the way they did, and we know that our whole experience was the answer to everyone's prayers.

The story starts on Thursday, April 7. The day started normally. I went to work and had a regular appointment at Maternal Fetal Medicine after school. As I was walking out of school, one of the other teachers even said to me, "See you in the morning!" What ironic foreshadowing!

At the beginning of the appointment, I had my blood pressure taken. While it was still higher than normal, it was still in that caution range - something to watch, but not anything to act on yet. Afterwards, I had another ultrasound to check growth and other vitals. We saw Isaac's hair and his eyes blinking on the ultrasound. He even had the hiccups. The doctor came to talk to us after the ultrasound. He was concerned about my blood pressure and talked about our options, including being admitted to the hospital to induce labor. Before he made the decision, he wanted to check my blood pressure again. This time, it was severely high. He called to confer with the doctor that was on-call for my regular OB, since my regular OB was out of town until Monday. They decided I should be admitted to the hospital immediately.

Needless to say, I was not ready to be admitted to the hospital. I was not ready to start my leave of absence from work. I did not want to be delivered by a doctor I had never met before. And most importantly, I was not ready to say goodbye to my little boy. I was sick to my stomach as I walked across the hospital from the doctor's office to the admitting office.

The nurses immediately started medicine to lower my blood pressure. This medicine was the absolute worst! It made me feel very tired and at times, "out of it." I also could not eat or drink anything because of the possibility of a c-section. Plus, I had a catheter and medicine to help prepare my cervix for labor. It was not a fun night! I met the on-call doctor for the first time, and I tried to convince her to wait until Monday when my doctor would be back in town. She wasn't having any of it! At this point, the plan for delivery was to check my blood work in the morning, and if the results were not favorable, I would immediately have a c-section. Otherwise, I would start pitocin to naturally induce labor.

Thankfully, in the morning, my labs were still high, but not in the range for an immediate c-section. They started the pitocin at 8:30 a.m., but at this point, I was not dilated at all. I should mention at this point that details from here on out, especially specific times, get a little fuzzy. I also continued to have the blood pressure medicine and they were drawing my blood every four hours. Around 12:30, the doctors started talking about performing a c-section again. The labs were still not favorable and they didn't want to wait much longer to deliver Isaac. Then God intervened. After about 4 hours of contractions, my water broke and I was 9 cm dilated! We waited another hour and then I started pushing.

I was not prepared for this part of labor. We had not been to a child birth class or watched a labor DVD. I really did not read any books about labor either. I thought I still had a couple of weeks to prepare. After about 3 hours of pushing, the doctor gave me one more hour to deliver, or she was going to perform a c-section. I didn't go through all of this to end up having a c-section. I was determined to deliver Isaac! He was born thirty minutes later.

The next 25 minutes were the best of my life. Dan and I spend the time just loving our little boy. I couldn't take my eyes off of him! His daddy was holding him when he went to Heaven.

Because of the blood pressure medicine, I could not get out of bed. Dan did such a great job taking care of our little boy. He gave him a bath and dressed him. He shared him with all of our family that was there. The hospital allowed us to keep Isaac overnight. I was thankful for this because I had to stay on the blood pressure medicine for 24 hours after delivery. I was still a little "out of it," and I didn't want to let Isaac go when I was feeling that way.

The next day, the doctor came in during rounds and spent an hour with us. She asked if she could look at Isaac and we said okay. She spent time explaining his anomalies to us. Before she left, she asked if she could pray with us. At that point, I knew that God was watching out for us the whole time. While I saw that she was emotionally moved the day before, she hadn't revealed her faith to us until then. She also told us something that reassured my heart - her son's name is Isaac Daniel.

Looking back, I am so thankful that everything happened the way it did. Talking to the doctors and the nurses later, my initial lab work indicated that my blood pressure affected my liver and kidneys. Who knows what would have happened if I would have just went home that night? While I was initially upset about being delivered by a doctor other than my own, I know that God sent the perfect doctor to deliver Isaac. Again, I know that God was watching out for us that day and answered so many prayers.

Here's some more pictures of our little angel. Thank you again to Tanya Johnston Photography for these priceless photographs.

Look at all of that hair!

After his bath - I think he looks so sweet and handsome.

Heaven Has One More Angel

Isaac Daniel was born on Friday, April 8, 2011 at 5:05 p.m. He spent 25 minutes in our arms before we placed him into the arms of Jesus. He weighed 5 pounds, 9 ounces and was 20 inches long. He had a full head of wavy brown hair.

Isaac's birth story is one that could only be orchestrated by God. We know that many people have been praying for us over the past five months, and after our experience, I know that God answered everyone's prayers. Isaac has received the ultimate healing, as he now dances in Heaven with Jesus. Matthew 19:14 says, "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'"  I plan on writing his full birth story later in the week.

We are planning a celebration of Isaac's life on Saturday, April 16 at 11 a.m. at First Christian Church, 2061 McGregor Blvd., Fort Myers. If you have been touched by Isaac, please feel free to join us.

We were also fortunate to have been able to contact a photographer to capture our precious moments with Isaac. While I had been in contact with a photographer with the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep organization, she was unable to make it on the day of his birth. The nurse at the hospital helped us find Tanya Johnston, who provided us with the priceless gift of these images.

 








God welcomed Isaac to Heaven with a beautiful sunset

It's April...

We have been anticipating April since August, when we first found out we were pregnant. At first, we were beyond excited for April. Now, our feelings towards this month are bittersweet. As much as we have prepared ourselves for this month, we know it will be harder than we can ever imagine. But deep down, I also feel that we may experience a joy that we could have never imagined either.

We had two ultrasounds this week because my blood pressure was unusually high at my Monday appointment. While it is still high, the doctors don't think it is high enough to act on it. We are just monitoring it closely at this point. But, two ultrasounds mean more pictures for us! One of the blessings of this experience has been all of the pictures we have of Isaac. The sonographers at Maternal Fetal Medicine have been very accommodating during this whole experience. After they take the measurements that they need, they take their time to try to get us some nice images of Isaac. Never once have I felt rushed there, even when I was the last appointment of the day. Right now, Isaac is still head down and continues to grow. He is almost six pounds!

Feet crossed

His little fist

I received a request for a belly shot of me, but I have not gotten around to taking some of me in a while. Next Saturday, we are having some maternity photos taken by a professional photographer. Hopefully, I can post some of those after the shoot.

Lastly, I want to share my deep appreciation for Dan. I can't imagine traveling this journey without such a strong and brave partner by my side. He has been the "glass half-full" to my "glass half-empty," the "Tigger" to my "Eeyore." Whenever I get sad (and I do), he always has the right thing to say to make me feel better. Whenever I get cranky (and I do that even more), he has been patient, understanding, and helpful. I am so proud and blessed to be his wife.



Thank you all for sharing in our journey. Your prayers and support provide an amazing comfort each day!

32 Weeks

Yesterday we had another ultrasound appointment. Isaac's growth continues to remain on track. He is now 3 pounds, 11 ounces! The bigger he gets, the harder it is to get pictures of him, but we got some pretty good ones today, considering that space is getting tight in there! The biggest news of the day is that his head was down... hopefully it will stay that way! I'm not too sure though because he was VERY active after the appointment, probably the most active he has been during the pregnancy. Here are some of the pictures from yesterday. He was not too shy with his face this time.

We just want to thank you all again for your continued prayers and support. We are humbled that our story has even reached people that we have not met. We know that God is carrying us through this journey, and we are thankful for all of the prayers that have been said on our behalf. With that being said, please continue to keep us in your prayers! I have a feeling that the next few months are going to be the most trying of our journey.

Love, Katie and Dan

Let God be God

This post finds us 31 weeks pregnant, just nine short weeks from our due date. We don't have any new medical information to share right now. I am going to my regular OB and the Materal Fetal Medicine doctors every three weeks. Isaac continues to be active, and I can tell he is growing because my stomach continues to get tighter each day. Sometimes it's even funny to look at my stomach because depending on the side he is laying on, my stomach will be flat on one side and bulging out on the other.

We have been going to a financial class every Sunday night at church. Last night, I came across a Bible verse in our textbook. "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

This verse reminded me to stay faithful to God's plan. I have questioned God's plan many times over the past few months, especially because it does not coincide with the original plan that I had for my life. We had always thought we would be parents at a young age, especially because we have been married for 4 years now. It is also hard when it seems that many people around us are having babies. It is hard not to wonder why we can't have our baby now too.

This verse also reminded me of a note that I found in August. My mom and I went to Wal-Mart to buy things for my classroom. When we went back to the car, I found a flyer on the windshield. It said, "Let God be God. Remember it is not by your timing. It is in His timing." At the time, we were trying to get pregnant, so I took the message to heart for that situation and it put the note in my purse. Little did I know, I was already pregnant when I found the note. In fact, I took a positive pregnancy test that weekend! I came across the note in my purse again in November, after finding out about Isaac's health condition. I hung it on the refrigerator and it has provided a constant reminder to stay faithful to God's plan. It has been a hard pill to swallow, but we have to understand that it is not in God's timing right now for us to be parents of a baby on earth.

And with this sad situation with Isaac, it is even more evident that we are on this earth for God, not for ourselves.  We are here to live according to His plan.  We encourage those of you who do not realize this to seek this truth.  We are on this earth for a blink and then we are gone.  It is what we do while we are here, how we love and live for Him, that counts.  God works in mysterious ways and we are not always going to understand the events in this life.  However, we can understand His love, His grace, and His promise to us. He will never leave us,  He cries with us, and He died so we may live with Him in Heaven.

We won't have much time with Isaac on earth. However, we look forward to spending eternity with him in Heaven.  We'll be there with him in a blink.

30 Week Update

I can't believe it has been almost 4 weeks since I last posted. I also can't believe that I will be 30 weeks pregnant on Wednesday. Time is flying by and, unlike most pregnant women, I don't want it to. We have really been enjoying Isaac over the past couple of weeks. He has started to move more frequently, or at least I can feel him more times throughout the day.

We visited the Materal Fetal Medicine doctor last week, but did not really receive any new information. Isaac's health conditions continue to remain the same. The only change is that he is growing. He is now close to two-and-a-half pounds! Unfortunately, we did not get any good photos of Issac at the last appointment. He had his hands in front of his face the whole time. So, here is a family photo of us from a couple of weeks ago.

Thank you again for all of your continued prayers and support. Please continue to pray about Isaac's delivery. We have been reminded over the past couple of weeks about what great family and friends we have!

Love, Dan and Katie

(Almost) 26 weeks!

Today we had an appointment with the local fetal medicine specialists at Health Park. It was just a basic check-up, but we got some really great images of Isaac. One of the blessings of our situation is that we have an ultrasound every 3-4 weeks. Isaac was napping for most of the scan, so for the most part, his feet were up in front of his face.

Right now, he weighs one pound, nine ounces and is 12 inches long. My health also continues to be normal. We did not learn any new information on his condition today. As we move forward, the appointments will give us more insight into the decisions we need to make around the time of his birth, including delivery. Please pray for us as we make these decisions.

Today I want to share a Bible verse that was on a poster in the doctor's office. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalms 139:13-14

This verse continues to emphasize that God created Isaac just the way he is. While the doctors can say that his physical anomalies occurred as a result of a "random polka-dotted lightning strike," we know that Isaac was created especially for us by God to fulfill part of His plan.

Here are some pictures of our sweet boy, taken today. Look at his cute little feet!

His face (part of his leg is by his nose)

Relaxing with his feet up!

Thank you again for all of your kind and encouraging words after our initial post. We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers. Again, please pray for God's guidance and peace in the weeks ahead as we make decisions about Isaac's delivery.

Love, Katie and Dan

Out of the Mouths of First Graders

I have not officially announced to my class yet that I am pregnant. However, the questions have started coming. One girl said, " I think you are having a baby." And I asked why she thought that. She said, "Your stomach looks real fat." Gee thanks...

But I think today was probably the cutest one so far. One of the students said, "I think you need to go see your doctor and ask him if you are having a baby."

From the Beginning...

Dear Family and Friends,

As you all know, we are pregnant with a baby boy. He is due April 27, 2011. We have decided to create a blog to update you all on our baby boy's medical issues.

On November 17, we went in for our ultrasound at 17 weeks to find out the gender of the baby. On that day, we first learned of our son's health complications. Notably, the first thing that the ultrasound tech noticed was that his heart had formed outside of his body. This condition is called ectopia cordis. The other thing that the tech noticed was a cleft in his palate.

Since then, we have had two appointments with the fetal medicine specialists locally. They have discovered that our son's chest structure did not form properly. His ribs almost seem to stop halfway around his body. Additionally, the doctors suggested that we see a cardiology specialist to determine if there were any internal heart defects.

Most recently, we had a fetal echocardiogram performed at All Children's Hospital in St. Pete.  The doctors found that our son has a congenital heart defect called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. In simplified terms, the left side of his heart did not develop properly. Right now, the heart is working sufficiently because as a fetus, the baby does not need to breathe on his own. In fact, his cardiovascular profile score is a 10 out of 10, which leads the doctors to believe that he will survive to full term. However, after he is born, he will have difficulty receiving oxygen without the left side of his heart.

If he survives labor, his prognosis after birth is poor. While none of the doctors have "point blank" told us that our son will die shortly after birth, these complications all together make surgery very difficult. This fact has kind of been the elephant in the room, not only with our doctors, but with everyone we talk to, since we have learned of his medical condition. While we obviously hope and pray for a miracle, we are not preparing to bring our son home.

But what does that mean for us now? We are enjoying the time that we have with our son now. God has already blessed us with 23 weeks together! We are thrilled to experience his movements and we look forward to seeing him play on the ultrasounds. We have named him Isaac Daniel. The name Isaac comes from the Bible, primarily the story of Abraham and Isaac. And, his middle name Daniel is after his daddy. In the story of Isaac, God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac on a mountain. Abraham trusted God and followed his instructions. Just before Abraham sacrificed Isaac, an angel intervened and Isaac's life was spared. We too are trusting God with the life of our son Isaac. In all of this, we pray that God's will be done. We do not understand the "why" of God's plan right now, but we can only trust that He is using us and Isaac to fulfill some part of His great plan.

In all of this, we also remain focused on the blessings that God has already provided us, some things that we may have lost sight of before. We have an amazing support system, including family and friends. We know that many prayers have been said on our behalf because of all of you. We both have jobs, our health, and each other. Katie has been blessed with a pretty easy pregnancy thus far without any other complications. Because of the sacrifice of one of his coworkers, Dan has also started working a Tuesday-Friday shift. He previously worked Wednesday-Saturday, so now we have two weekend days together! We have also both focused ourselves back towards God. We know that by trusting Him is the only way that we will get through all of this. We have faith and hope that we will be with Isaac again in heaven. And as much as we will miss him here on earth, our time with him in heaven will be far greater and longer than the time we will spend missing him here.

Thank you all for your love and support. Please continue to pray for us. It is going to be a long and hard journey.