11-11-11

When we got married, my mom thought it was so cool that our 5th wedding anniversary would be on 11-11-11. At the time, I thought that the date seemed so far away. Now, I can't believe it's tomorrow! Our wedding was an amazing day, and we were fortunate to be able to celebrate with our family and friends.

The past five years seemed to have flown by. Undoubtedly, we have been through a lot in the past five years, especially this past year. Our anniversary last year was right before we found out about Isaac's condition. I remember being so excited and thinking that on our next anniversary, we will be parents. Needless to say, this is a very bittersweet time for me.

I am so blessed to be married to my best friend. I am looking forward to what the next year has in store for us!

Our Wedding Day - November 11, 2006

We're Still Here!

It's been a while, but we're still here. I hope to continue our blog, and I hope that we still have some readers out there!

We had a busy summer. We were fortunate to have three weeks of traveling together. We were gone for most of the month of July. When we got back home, I went right back to school. I can't believe that we have already been back to school for six weeks!

During our travels, we went to South Dakota for a week to visit my mother-in-law and her husband. They have a beautiful ranch, where we got to relax and do "hokey" touristy stuff. Next, we went to Orlando to visit Universal Studios. Dan wanted to see the new Harry Potter world. Finally, we went on a western Caribbean cruise. We definitely needed the relaxing time together!

Here are some photos from our travels:

At Mount Rushmore

At the ranch in South Dakota

Just before ziplining on our cruise

Waterfall climbing in Jamaica

After the Tie-Dye Gators won the Cozumel Amazing Race

Hopefully we still have some readers out there. We would love to continue to share our journey with you!

Happy Father's Day!

I just wanted to write a quick blog to let you all know that I am still writing. And to say Happy Father's Day to my wonderful husband. We may not have a child on earth, but we are parents to a precious angel in Heaven. Dan took such great care of Isaac while he was with us, and I know he is going to continue to be an amazing father to our other children someday. He always enourages me to see the positive in all things, and he has a very generous spirit. We have so many things to look forward to, and I am so fortunate to be able to share my life with Dan. This picture is my absolute favorite one of Dan.

Being Thankful

Today I have been reminded (more than once) that I need to be more thankful for the things that God has given me.

First, one of my friends posted this on Facebook: "What if I woke up today with only the things I thanked God for yesterday?" This thought made me realize that I have not been diligent in thanking God for everything that He has given me. I have so many things to be thankful for, but often during this time of trial, my prayers and thoughts have focused on the things that I need rather than all of the wonderful things that I do have.

Another reminder that I need to be more thankful came as I was putting away the sympathy cards that were sent to us during the past few weeks. I decided to re-read some of the notes that people wrote. I came across one from a friend of my aunt who lives in Pennsylvania. I have not met this woman before, but she has been praying for us after hearing our story from my aunt. In the card, among other things, she wrote that she thanked God for Isaac's perfectly formed hands and feet. This prayer was so special to me because it was so personal. It also made me realize that I didn't even thank God for his perfect hands and feet. Amidst all of of my pain, I took some things for granted, including ten fingers, ten toes, and a full head of wavy brown hair. Looking back, I am SO thankful for these things, but I never expressed that to God.

With that being said, I am thankful for all of the prayers that have been said on our behalf. This woman, again, who we have never met, prayed to God on our behalf and expressed what we were feeling, but hadn't yet prayed to God. I know others have prayed for us when we didn't have the words or strength to go to God.

I found the following verse to be so powerful in terms of giving thanks.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18

What high ideals to strive for! I like the words always, continually, and in all circumstances. In times of trial, being joyful and giving thanks seem to be so hard, but they are also so important. In the first few days after we found out about Isaac's condition, we were devastated. At that point, I couldn't imagine looking back and being joyful and thankful for this journey. But, along the way, I have experienced positive things from a tragic situation, and I have learned not to take for granted the many blessings in my life. This journey has taught me that it is possible to be joyful and give thanks in the hardest and most painful situations.

I am so thankful for our little boy and his perfect hands and feet.

Tributes to Isaac

The past few weeks have went by so quickly! Today is Dan's first day back at work in more than 4 weeks. We are very fortunate to be able to spend so much time together during the past month.

I am so thankful for the support of our families throughout my pregnancy and afterwards. We could not have done it without all of them!

I wanted to share two special things that my sister, my dad, and Dan did in honor of Isaac. My sister Kelsie graduated from the University of Florida on April 30. We were fortunate to be able to go to Gainesville and see her graduate. Since so many students graduate at the same time, the graduates often decorate their caps to help their families identify them in the crowd. Kelsie chose to decorate her cap with an "I" in honor of her nephew Isaac. It was very special to me because I sometimes think of the things that I won't see Isaac do or accomplish. But, in a way, I was able to see my son graduate that day. We are also proud of your accomplishments, Kelsie!

Kelsie with her "I" cap

My family at Kelsie's graduation

This past weekend, my dad and Dan got a more permanent tribute to Isaac - a tattoo! It is a tattoo of Isaac's handprint and name on their chest. Dan made the handprints in the hospital and the tattoo artist was able to replicate it exactly. Now, I get to see and touch my son's handprint everyday!

And, one more picture of Isaac with our family members that were at the hospital on his birthday.

Making a Difference

I have looked over the blog several times in the past week or so. There's a lot of things that I wanted to write about over the past few months but never did. I will continue to write as we continue this journey of healing. There have been two ideas that have been getting me through these past five months. The first one is that I will get to spend eternity with my son in Heaven. The second is that God put Isaac on this earth to fulfill a purpose. This idea is emphasized in a story that was shared at Isaac's memorial service from John 9: 1-3. "As he (Jesus) went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?' 'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus, 'but this happened so the work of God might be displayed in his life.'"

I hoped and prayed that I would see some evidence of God's work through Isaac during my lifetime and that I would not have to wait until I got to Heaven to see why God gave Isaac to us. However, I never imagined what an impact our little boy would have or that I would see it so soon.

First, Isaac inspired his mommy and daddy to become closer to God. Even before the blog and before we really told anyone about our situation, Dan and I realized that the only way that we were going to survive this situation is by completely trusting in God. So, if nothing else, I am so thankful for the impact Isaac has had on our relationship with God. Isaac has changed our lives in so many other ways too. Now more than ever, we are so thankful for the many blessings that we have. Dan and I have also grown so much closer in our relationship. I love my husband more today than I ever have in our 11 years together.

But more than just us, Isaac has made an impact in so many other lives. His influence was evidenced in all of the people that came to celebrate his life on Saturday. Dan and I were humbled by how many people were there to support us. We could not have asked for a more beautiful tribute to our son. Thank you to all of you that were there. Aside from all of the people at the service, I know Isaac's life has had an influence on all of the people who have read our blog and others who have heard our story from one of our friends and family members. We have received cards from people that we have not met, just because someone has told our story at church or at work. We are so thankful that so many people have allowed Isaac's story to touch their hearts.

Isaac has also touched the lives of other children through charity. I know the staff at my school has been collecting diapers and other baby supplies to donate to local families. Thank you so much for allowing Isaac to make such a difference in our community. We also set up a Memorial Fund through Operation Smile that many of our family members and friends have generously donated to. Operation Smile provides surgeries for children with facial deformities, such as cleft palates. Right now, the donations will provide surgeries for 6 children in Isaac's memory. Thank you to those of you who have made donations so far. If you are interested, you may donate in Isaac's name through this Memorial Page: http://support.operationsmile.org/goto/IsaacMarkovich

I am so thankful that the work of God has been displayed because of the life of our son. I know his impact will continue far beyond his short life.

I have had some requests for more pictures of Isaac. Thank you all again for your continued support and prayers.

Our first moments together

Isaac's Birth Story

As I mentioned in my last post, Isaac's birth story is one that could only be orchestrated by God. We are very fortunate that things happened just the way they did, and we know that our whole experience was the answer to everyone's prayers.

The story starts on Thursday, April 7. The day started normally. I went to work and had a regular appointment at Maternal Fetal Medicine after school. As I was walking out of school, one of the other teachers even said to me, "See you in the morning!" What ironic foreshadowing!

At the beginning of the appointment, I had my blood pressure taken. While it was still higher than normal, it was still in that caution range - something to watch, but not anything to act on yet. Afterwards, I had another ultrasound to check growth and other vitals. We saw Isaac's hair and his eyes blinking on the ultrasound. He even had the hiccups. The doctor came to talk to us after the ultrasound. He was concerned about my blood pressure and talked about our options, including being admitted to the hospital to induce labor. Before he made the decision, he wanted to check my blood pressure again. This time, it was severely high. He called to confer with the doctor that was on-call for my regular OB, since my regular OB was out of town until Monday. They decided I should be admitted to the hospital immediately.

Needless to say, I was not ready to be admitted to the hospital. I was not ready to start my leave of absence from work. I did not want to be delivered by a doctor I had never met before. And most importantly, I was not ready to say goodbye to my little boy. I was sick to my stomach as I walked across the hospital from the doctor's office to the admitting office.

The nurses immediately started medicine to lower my blood pressure. This medicine was the absolute worst! It made me feel very tired and at times, "out of it." I also could not eat or drink anything because of the possibility of a c-section. Plus, I had a catheter and medicine to help prepare my cervix for labor. It was not a fun night! I met the on-call doctor for the first time, and I tried to convince her to wait until Monday when my doctor would be back in town. She wasn't having any of it! At this point, the plan for delivery was to check my blood work in the morning, and if the results were not favorable, I would immediately have a c-section. Otherwise, I would start pitocin to naturally induce labor.

Thankfully, in the morning, my labs were still high, but not in the range for an immediate c-section. They started the pitocin at 8:30 a.m., but at this point, I was not dilated at all. I should mention at this point that details from here on out, especially specific times, get a little fuzzy. I also continued to have the blood pressure medicine and they were drawing my blood every four hours. Around 12:30, the doctors started talking about performing a c-section again. The labs were still not favorable and they didn't want to wait much longer to deliver Isaac. Then God intervened. After about 4 hours of contractions, my water broke and I was 9 cm dilated! We waited another hour and then I started pushing.

I was not prepared for this part of labor. We had not been to a child birth class or watched a labor DVD. I really did not read any books about labor either. I thought I still had a couple of weeks to prepare. After about 3 hours of pushing, the doctor gave me one more hour to deliver, or she was going to perform a c-section. I didn't go through all of this to end up having a c-section. I was determined to deliver Isaac! He was born thirty minutes later.

The next 25 minutes were the best of my life. Dan and I spend the time just loving our little boy. I couldn't take my eyes off of him! His daddy was holding him when he went to Heaven.

Because of the blood pressure medicine, I could not get out of bed. Dan did such a great job taking care of our little boy. He gave him a bath and dressed him. He shared him with all of our family that was there. The hospital allowed us to keep Isaac overnight. I was thankful for this because I had to stay on the blood pressure medicine for 24 hours after delivery. I was still a little "out of it," and I didn't want to let Isaac go when I was feeling that way.

The next day, the doctor came in during rounds and spent an hour with us. She asked if she could look at Isaac and we said okay. She spent time explaining his anomalies to us. Before she left, she asked if she could pray with us. At that point, I knew that God was watching out for us the whole time. While I saw that she was emotionally moved the day before, she hadn't revealed her faith to us until then. She also told us something that reassured my heart - her son's name is Isaac Daniel.

Looking back, I am so thankful that everything happened the way it did. Talking to the doctors and the nurses later, my initial lab work indicated that my blood pressure affected my liver and kidneys. Who knows what would have happened if I would have just went home that night? While I was initially upset about being delivered by a doctor other than my own, I know that God sent the perfect doctor to deliver Isaac. Again, I know that God was watching out for us that day and answered so many prayers.

Here's some more pictures of our little angel. Thank you again to Tanya Johnston Photography for these priceless photographs.

Look at all of that hair!

After his bath - I think he looks so sweet and handsome.